Before the 4th of December 2005, David was a normal 25-year-old with family, friends and memories. That afternoon, he suffered one of the rarest forms of memory loss ever recorded. The condition, known as a psychogenic fugue, wiped his entire memory clean, leaving him with no identity. This film follows David as he tries to recover the life he had before and attempts to start all over again.
When David Fitzpatrick found himself standing in front of Kings College Hospital, London, he had no idea how he had got there – or who he was. The confused young man was admitted to the hospital as an ‘unknown male’ and his case was referred to the local Missing Persons Unit. Four days later, maps brought in by the police provided a breakthrough when David recognised the address of his old football coach, Mike Rook.
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Worried family and friends flocked to David’s hospital room, hoping to find out what had happened. The experience was overwhelming for David and traumatic for his family, who were devastated when he failed to recognise them. His mother Jeanette recalls that her son displayed “no reaction whatsoever” when she embraced him – a gesture which David remembers as “like a stranger holding me”.
With doctors uncertain of how long it will take for his memory to return, David is embarking on a journey of discovery in the hope of filling in the blanks. While hopeful at the prospect of retrieving his memory, he is also apprehensive at the thought of uncovering what made him go into his fugue in the first place. What was it that prompted his brain to go into shutdown and wipe all his memories of family, experiences and even world events?
David begins his quest by revisiting his childhood home, but is disheartened that the trip fails to trigger any memories of his early years. And when a visit to his old football club sees David awarded the Manager’s Player award for his achievements in the previous year, he cannot remember the matches that showed off his skills.
Without his own memories, David is forced to rely on the recollections of others. “I have to accept what they say,” he explains. “There’s no proof apart from what they are telling me.” He says that he found it difficult to trust people at first, and discovered that his family and friends had conflicting recollections of who he was. In an effort to learn more about his true self,David goes to his old school to hear about what he was like as a boy. He meets up with his old form teacher, who recalls the young David as a ‘scallywag’ and ‘likeable rogue’. After hearing stories about his schoolday antics, reading his old reports and examining photographs, David begins to feel more confident that his memories may be unlocked: this trip has emphasised to him that he existed in the past, even though he cannot remember it. “It’s given me optimism that things will come back quite quickly,” he says. “I didn’t think that before.”
However, David soon realises that the quest to uncover his past will not be straightforward. Not only does he have a six-year-old daughter he must get to know again, but he finds out that a break-up with the woman he saw as the love of his life had sent him into a spiral of self-destructive behaviour. At the time, he hit the drink hard and was even banished from friends’ houses. Was it this chaotic turn of events that pushed him into his fugue? Now that David’s friends and acquaintances have provided him with an insight into the man he was before the fugue, he has a unique opportunity to start again. Painful though the experience has been, he has confronted his past. “I’m back at zero,” he says. “This is where my life starts.”
With doctors uncertain of how long it will take for his memory to return, David is embarking on a journey of discovery in the hope of filling in the blanks. While hopeful at the prospect of retrieving his memory, he is also apprehensive at the thought of uncovering what made him go into his fugue in the first place. What was it that prompted his brain to go into shutdown and wipe all his memories of family, experiences and even world events?
David begins his quest by revisiting his childhood home, but is disheartened that the trip fails to trigger any memories of his early years. And when a visit to his old football club sees David awarded the Manager’s Player award for his achievements in the previous year, he cannot remember the matches that showed off his skills.
Without his own memories, David is forced to rely on the recollections of others. “I have to accept what they say,” he explains. “There’s no proof apart from what they are telling me.” He says that he found it difficult to trust people at first, and discovered that his family and friends had conflicting recollections of who he was. In an effort to learn more about his true self,David goes to his old school to hear about what he was like as a boy. He meets up with his old form teacher, who recalls the young David as a ‘scallywag’ and ‘likeable rogue’. After hearing stories about his schoolday antics, reading his old reports and examining photographs, David begins to feel more confident that his memories may be unlocked: this trip has emphasised to him that he existed in the past, even though he cannot remember it. “It’s given me optimism that things will come back quite quickly,” he says. “I didn’t think that before.”
However, David soon realises that the quest to uncover his past will not be straightforward. Not only does he have a six-year-old daughter he must get to know again, but he finds out that a break-up with the woman he saw as the love of his life had sent him into a spiral of self-destructive behaviour. At the time, he hit the drink hard and was even banished from friends’ houses. Was it this chaotic turn of events that pushed him into his fugue? Now that David’s friends and acquaintances have provided him with an insight into the man he was before the fugue, he has a unique opportunity to start again. Painful though the experience has been, he has confronted his past. “I’m back at zero,” he says. “This is where my life starts.”